Issue 31 ● September, 2013
Hey Folks,
This is the 31st and final edition of Where & When,
our humble contribution to the world of spam. Since
January of 2011 we have kept you in the know on where and
when you can catch us in action, and we've told you all
about the travails of our hapless and long suffering agent
Murray who mans the shop and keeps the pages turned on the
SnapOn Tool calendar each and every month. Well, Murray
quit—again. He quit before to go book Mitt Romney on the
lecture circuit after the 2012 Election, but that didn't work
out so he came crawling back to us. Then he fell apart
and, since we had the original manual, we put him carefully back
together, all the while keeping it a secret that he was
robotic. He finally found out he was robotic and was not
at all amused. "When did you figure you were going to tell
me?", he kept repeating until we powered him down. Now
we're afraid he'll wonder what else we have been keeping from
him. Well, we haven't actually explained that, being
robotic, he is for the most part unsexed. If we simply
configured a few dip switches, he would not be a Murray at all,
he would be a Millie. Knowing how temperamental "he" got
over finding out he is robotic, we think that is a subject best
left well enough alone. That said, he has been a pretty
decent booking agent and a fairly good office appliance.
"His" scrap value alone is likely worth more than the old IBM
Selectric we've got sitting around, so at least there's
that. So long, Murray. You were much more than just
a business machine to us. You were occasionally a paper
weight and a footstool. You will find another act to book;
you always do.
Now, grab a pen and paper if you have them handy. Here are
this month's shows. You're gonna want to jot this down…
FRI., SEPT. 6th, 9:30 PM—THE PIGGERY
1625 W. Irving Park Rd., Chicago, IL 60613
Buoyed by news that his fans demand a return trip for the Hang It
On The Wall Tour - Pt. 2,
Mark Zeus is readying the
Tour
Wagon for a trip of this-a-way. Yes, every year about
this time — twice a year as some say — since at least the
mid-Twentieth Century there have been sightings of Zeus in these
areas. A mysterious songster carrying a pack of tunes in a zip
duffel on his back, he arrives from out of the mist of night
plopping into a chair with not a word from his lips until the mic
is adjusted so. He pulls out a guitar from somewhere in the zip
duffel and will proceed to strum. At the end of what some describe
as a "pretty good night", he'll swipe up his winnings with a
single swift wave of his hand and before you can finish your beer
he is out the door and off to places like Houston, or Greenville,
or Galveston, or Pilsen. Some people unfamiliar with the legend
have said, "'Never heard of him." Others go about whistling his
tune as they trot about their day, familiar with the broad
cavalcade of hits that a Zeus night entails. Yes, it's been
reported he can speak to dogs that need spoken to with a whisper.
Women have been known to wait upon him at restaurants—men, too,
for that matter. He can bench press actual benches, but never if a
child wishes to sit in it first. There is a line of brake fluid
named after him. Special note to the
Red Horde: Coach has
called a special team meeting on this night at the location for a
quick briefing and maybe a few beers.
SAT., SEPT. 7th, 8:00 PM—BRIDIE McKENNA'S
254 Green Bay Road, Highwood, Illinois 60040
The Zeus Tour continues up in Highwood. C'mon it's not that far
north, the Edens at this hour is smooth sailing. There's a train
stop. If you don't have a ride, hop in with me. I'm going that
way. If you have a couple bucks for gas money, that's cool. I
mean, every little bit helps, right. If you want to adjust the
radio you can. No hair metal though, geez. I can't stand that
stuff—and no modern country. It's just as bad as hair metal. And
please no Bruno Mars. His girl should break up with him. Serves
him right for being such a keening dweeb. Actually, you know,
maybe you better leave the radio where it is, I have a hard time
finding this station otherwise, it will cut in and out if it isn't
dialed in. There's an unopened Mountain Dew somewhere under the
seat. It might be warm, though.
As always, we look forward to seeing you
Where &
When we can. Thank you for letting us spam you.
With warmest regards,
Marlon St. John
312.613.2345 cell
www.marlonstjohn.com
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Did you hear about the
bass guitar player who was so bad that even the lead singer
noticed?
